I answered these questions during October of 2001.

If you want to e-mail me go here.

October 14, 2001
Dear Peeves,

What is wrong with the world today?

- Philip Atkinson

Philip --

Well, aside from this pain in my left ankle, I'd say there is one major problem: idiots. Speaking of which, how many questions have you asked me? Damn, get a life Philip!

- Peeves

October 14, 2001
Dear Peeves,

Where can I find pictures from the book All But Alice?

- Angie

Angie --

Probably the same place you can find the text from the book, you moron! Put on some clothes and go to the freaking library, like any other reasonable person! Stop bothering me with this garbage!

- Peeves

October 15, 2001
Dear Peeves,

I keep cheese in my underwear to attract mice, is that normal? Also I have a "friend" who can't say the word blancmange HUH HUH HUH without saying HUH HUH HUH, should they see a doctor? And what about my brother, he ate his trousers to annoy the dog. Also all the cutlery in my house is upside down and I find it difficult to finish sentenc....

- Colin Jones

Colin --

What the hell? Was the supposed to be funny, or are you just stupid?

- Peeves

October 16, 2001
Dear Peeves,

I need an electronic science fair display, what should it be?

- Ana

Ana --

This is fairly easy. I'll show you how to demonstrate the awesome power of alternating current. It's easy!

1: Get two paperclips.

2: Bend them straight.

3: Find an electrical outlet.

4: Hold one bent paperclip in each hand.

5: Stick one in the left part of the outlet, and one in the right.

If you liked that experiment, try it with your friends!

- Peeves

October 16, 2001
Dear Peeves,

What do gay people do together?

- sh@rvi

sh@rvi --

Umm.... what the hell kind of question is that? Remember -- gay people are people, and people are all different. This would imply that every gay couple or group would have different objectives.

Why the hell are you morons so obsessed with gay people, anyway?

- Peeves

October 16, 2001
Dear Peeves,

In which country can you find belly dancers?

- Margaret

Margaret --

Any country with sleazy bars, Egyptian restaurants, etc. Hell, I know a place a few miles from here where you can find belly dancers. Why didn't you look yourself, you lazy fool?

- Peeves

October 16, 2001
Dear Peeves,

I have a Problem. I have recently killed a man. No, that's not the problem. After I finished chopping him up (well, technically, I sawed him up, but that just doesn't sound right), I decided it would be nice to return what ever was left of him to his family. Unfortunately, out of habit, I wrote my return address on the package.

Do you think the Post Office will give it back or will I have to go kill the Family also?

- Travis

Travis --

Maybe if you hadn't been such a bonehead in the first place, crap like this wouldn't happen. Also, you seem a bit logically inept -- it's obvious to me that you should kill the postal workers to get back the envelope. Nobody likes postal workers; after all, they always lose important crap (like hate letters) but always, and I mean ALWAYS manage to deliver the bills and junk mail! Bastards.

- Peeves

October 17, 2001
Dear Peeves,

Do you know how many quarts are in a gallon?

- Julia

Julia --

Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

- Peeves

October 18, 2001
Dear Peeves,

Why do people always ask questions?

- Cram

Cram --

Because they're too stupid to find the answers themselves. You are one of these people, moron.

- Peeves

October 18, 2001
Dear Peeves,

I've heard that you are becoming your dad when your crap stinks as bad as your dads does. Well, I just took a dump and it reeks. What do I do to stop becoming my dad?

- Crosma

Crosma --

Yikes, that is a problem. I guess you should either just accept the fact that you have become your dad, or just go ahead and kill yourself. The world would probably be better off without you. Or just stop eating ground beef or whatever.

- Peeves