I answered these questions during September of 2005.

If you want to e-mail me go here.

September 27, 2005
Dear Peeves,

Is it bad to masturbate with shower hair conditioner?

- happy dick

happy dick --

Probably. Expect your penis to shrivel up and fall off within five minutes.

- Peeves

September 27, 2005
Dear Peeves,

My best friend’s boyfriend is the biggest PLAYER EVER!! But he doesn’t think so, so she goes out with him just so she can get back at him for playing her from before or just to have a boyfriend. Do you have any other suggestions to give us so we can get back at him GOOD!?

- Princess Consula Banannahammack

Princess --

No. If she wants to go out with this guy, that’s her choice and none of your fucking business. Got that? Now get lost, jerk.

- Peeves

September 28, 2005
Dear Peeves,

You are such a scumbag. your anti-bush. He’s the fuckin president of the United states. listen, go blow your boyfriend, cause maybe that will get u head straight. Oh, and ur anti-god. what r u, fuckin muslim, listen, sell this website, and all ur belongings, and go see how much money sadam will pay u to suck his cock.faggit.

- discusted

discusted --

Everyone says the pro-Bush religious assholes are a bunch of uneducated dipshit hicks. And look, one wrote a letter to me -- one who believes Muslims are "anti-god." Good to know the stereotype is still as true as ever!

- Peeves

September 28, 2005
Dear Peeves,

I am not gonna preach to you for the next half hour, but please know this: God is very real and exists. I have seen people get healed instantly right in front of my eyes; things that you would not be able to explain. God loves you, but you will still have to face him in judgement some day; except Jesus as your savior before it is too late.

- Bob

Bob --

I’ve seen strange things as well, such as a rabbit come out of a hat, someone pull a nickel from behind my ear, and people who believe in the stupidest notions for entirely bogus reasons. How do you know your God isn’t a fraud? Maybe you’re going to a different religion’s hellish afterlife for your moronic beliefs.

- Peeves