I can't believe some of you idiots are even able to write to me. I can't help but to picture some of you rolling on the floor and throwing dung like a monkey. Because you're that stupid.

But whatever. On to the questions.

Dear Peeves,

I have a really bad phobia of FEET! Since summer is here, most people wear flip flops. Well I wondered what I should do because I just dernt go out knowing that I will see everyone's feet. What should I do?

-- X.

X. --

Just because you have a stupid mental hangup doesn't make it valid. With the exception of yourself, not a single person cares so shove it.

Nobody wants you hear about your lame fears, wimp. Get over it. And if you can't then do us all a favor and at least shut the hell up about it. "Dernt" go out if that's what it takes for a loser like you to shut the hell up.

-- Peeves

Need advice? Ask Peeves.

Dear Peeves,

Yeah so the other night I went to this party my freinds from work through and I finally got to chill with this chick from work and shes got a boyfreind right now and yeah we "Hooked up" and I really do like the girl alot and she likes me just as much but doesnt know what todo and I was woundering how would you handle this type of situation???

-- Twist

Twist --

Sounds like you have an addiction to this poor girl. I feel sorry for her because nothing I can say will help with your addiction.

That's why you need to be punched in the face.

-- Peeves

Yo Peeves,

I was wondering. I hate the human race, they're a fucking disease and keep spreading and destroying the planet. It pisses me off, what should I do about it?

-- L.H.

L.H. --

None of that shit is any of your goddamn business. Are you a sociologist? No? Then quit wasting your time thinking about it. You'll feel better.

Another reason you'll feel better is because you won't have me kicking you in the shins. Dumbass.

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,

What do you think about England?

-- 6

6 --

Nothing. I've never even been there.

Just because I could have an opinion on some random, stupid topic doesn't mean I should. Nobody cares because it doesn't matter. You don't matter. Fuck off, dullard.

-- Peeves

Querido Peeves,

¡Eres un culo asco! ¡Odio tu! ¡Vaya al infierno! ¿No hablas español? ¿Solamente hablas inglés? ¡Eres muy muy stúpido!

No tienes una vida también, pasas tu vida entera que se sienta en tus preguntas que contestan de a computadora. ¡Tu aspiras, híbrido!

¡Vete a la mierda, cabeza de mierda!

-- Ana

Ana --

What makes you think I know Spanish? Get out of my face before I run you down with a truck.

-- Peeves

Need advice? Ask Peeves.

See also: Recent Ask Peeves
Relationships that suck.
Dullard's guide to spelling and grammar IV
Mean friend and the hot teacher