It's amazing how many of you are goddamn wussies. (And it's not just the girls. It's everyone.)

You folks need to stop acting like little babies before someone decides to throw a concrete block at your face.

Need advice? Ask Peeves.

Dear Peeves,

Hey peeves seeing how your the master of all things love, i wanted to ask you a question. I'm in love with my 27 year old teacher, I being 16(almost 17). Is there any way i can try to hook up with her with out getting kciked out of school. Plus she smoking hot and i'm not really. Any tips on how to sudece her? Thanks.

-- Hot For Teacher

Hot For Teacher --

Look kid, you wouldn't get kicked out of your school for having sex with a teacher. Your teacher would. Ever heard of something called "statutory rape"? No? Maybe that's because you're a moron.

I mean how dumb can you get? "sedece"? Maybe you should spend less time thinking about fucking everyone in sight and more time trying to learn something. In a few years you won't be nearly as horny as you are today -- but you could easily be just as stupid.

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,

i like someone but im 2 scared 2 talk to them wat should i do?? huh huh

-- Molly!

Molly --

Take a deep breath. Hold it and count to ten. Good... you're doing well. Now -- punch yourself in the face. Hard.

There, now maybe you'll know better than to stop being such a goddamn wuss. How pathetic.

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,

Yes, yes, you will see, Peeves will come and you'll laugh with glee! He will be t3h funny and show the way, by ambiguous jokes of how you're gay. Naked pictures of pr0n and hermaphrodites, Peeves will PWN them all, all day all night! P33v3s is t3h funny, you will see, when he posts a funny, it'll make you pee!

-- Angry_Jerk

Angry_Jerk --

That's the most retarded thing I've heard in years. And you must have (mistakenly) believed it was clever or you wouldn't have sent it in. What is this, your first time drinking?

Next time I catch you chugging a bottle I'm going to smash it over your goddamn head.

Then I'll spit on your bloody face, dumbass.

-- Peeves

Peeves

A friend of mine (a complete ass) made fun of my stepbrother dying and i know it is mean but for some reason i still want to be friends and hang out with him but i am not shure if i should or not. What would you do?

-- kyle

kyle --

Let's consider what actually happened here for a moment. Maybe this guy really did say something horrible about your dead stepbrother. In that case you're a wimp for still wanting to hang out with that loser.

But maybe what he said wasn't that bad and you blew it out of proportion. That's because you're an idiot.

And either way you're a dullard for not deciding for yourself. It's your life, asshole. Not mine.

-- Peeves

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