Some of you idiots must have learned everything you know about relationships from Cinderella. Well learn this: "happily ever after" only occurs in fiction.

And fiction is NOT real life, dumbass.

If you have a question for me click here.

Dear Peeves,

Peeves me and my boyfriend has been going out for 8 months and just last night he told me that he wanted to see other peole and he really loved me but he said also said that he wanted to brek up with me cause we havent been haveing sex lately and a wants a freak for a girl friend. What should I do, see other people or just wait for him?

-- Ms. Lonely

Ms. Lonely --

What do you mean he "wants a freak for a girlfriend"? Sounds to me like he already has one.

Nobody cares about your stupid relationship. If you two aren't having sex, you're not going out. Period.

Why are you still wasting your time thinking about him? Quit your bitching, loser. I don't want to hear your whining, so you'd better stop before I knee you in the stomach.

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,

Ok here is my problem. I'm in the Navy, I am presently going out with someone who's on WestPac or you can call it deployment.

I thought I loved her but as soon as I could catch another women I did and she is starting to fall for me, its kinda sad really but she is cool enough to the point where I let her stay at my girl's place and chill. I need to figure out how to exit this situation I put myself in without hurting the girl who is staying with me right now. It's my fault I know, I know.

-- Truth

Truth --

Look you fucking baby, quit moaning about your stupid problem. It's like this: you can tell her the truth or you can lie. Those are your options -- your ONLY options. There's no better solution.

I don't give a rat's ass which you choose. Make your choice and stick with it. And you'd better quit asking dumb questions before you get a kick in the crotch.

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,

i got my dilly stuck in my zipper but i dont want anybody to find out about it, what should i do?

-- Billy

Billy --

Well it’s a little late for that, now isn't it? If you didn't want anyone finding out about your unfortunate accident, you shouldn't have told everyone.

The real question is how come you’re so stupid you couldn't figure this out for yourself? You're worthless. Get lost.

-- Peeves

See also: Peeves on relationship issues
Girls hate liars
How to make a girl like you
Damn wussy girls
Getting a girl to like you

Have your own a question? Ask Peeves.