Another day, another moron asking me stupid shit. How stupid do you morons have to be to think you'll get away with this crap?

That's right: I have a baseball bat with your name on it, bitch.

Peeves,

How many idiots/dullards do you deal with on average?

--asdf

Asdf --

One more, thanks to you. Get lost before I punch your face in.

-- Peeves

Need advice from an angry guy? Ask Peeves.

Dear Peeves,
I was reading the questions you answered a few years ago and you didn't get why people thought you were obsessed with Harry Potter. They think that because there's a poltergeist in the books named Peeves who pisses everyone off (and he's really funny.) One time in 3rd grade my friend Liz gave all of her friends Harry Potter names and I was Peeves because I'm funny in an irritating way!

Anyway here are some things Peeves says:

"Potty Wee Potter the potty wee lad, some people think nice and say that he's sad, but Peevesie knows better and says that he's mad!"

"Loony Loopy Lupin!"

"Wandering around at midnight, Ickle Firsties? Tut, tut, tut. Naughty, naughty, you'll get caughty."

"Oh Potter you rotter, oh what have you done?
You're killing off students, you think it's good fun"

How pissed off are you that you have the same name as an annoying ass poltergeist from Harry Potter?

-- Emily

PS you should read the books though cause they're actually really good.

Emily --

"Peeves" is a great name, I can see why it's so popular.

But I have better things to do than read some goddamn children's books. Shouldn't you?

Either get a damn life or graduate to adult reading materials. Quit being such a wuss, jackass. You can't be a a baby forever.

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,

Thank you so much Peeves! you've helped me so much through my troubling times! When I asked you a question, you put me down so much, I am now filed as an attempted suicide! Isn't that wonderful? I know! I just wanna sqeeze ya! Thank you so much for making me do this, and look! My spelling is a gagillion times better! I love you Peeves!

-- thank_ful

Thankful --

You're damn right.

-- Peeves

Hi Peeves!

How do you learn to ride a unicycle? This problem is really bothering me.

- Hannah

Hannah --

What the hell do you think I am, a goddamn circus performer?

There's a time and a place for everything. And right here, right now, it's time for you to get a smack in the face. Dullard.

-- Peeves

Need advice? That's why Peeves is here. Click here to Ask Peeves.

See also: Recent Ask Peeves
Foot-phobics and other dullards
How do I ask her to marry me?
Relationships that suck.