If there's one thing I can't stand more than whiny little Harry Potter fans, it's suck ups. Instead of trying to pretend you're just like me, shut your goddamn mouth. I couldn't give less of a rat's ass whether or not you like Harry Potter.

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Dear Peeves,

Hey i agree with you about that harry potter crap some idiot sent u. And who gives a shit about what you say about a damn book. If the author has a problem then they can take it up with you herself. no god damn fan should give a shit unless their "prized author" tells them to. well if u agree with e then e-mail me back if you want. I really dont give a shit so keep insulting the dumbasses out there and just to let you know I'm not one of them.

-- im better than you bitch

bitch --

You need to shut the hell up. You have no idea what you're talking about, and despite your assumption that anyone would care -- let alone assume you're correct in any way -- you come across as a pathetic whiner and a total suck up.

The real reason Harry Potter fans should shut the hell up has nothing to do with their willingness to suck up to the author.

The real reason Harry Potter fans need to be quiet is because they shouldn't care what I think. What I like is nobody else's goddamn business.

People who go around trying to force their own meaningless, arbitrary personal preferences on others are the stupidest people on the planet.

I'm not telling anyone what to believe. Maybe you don't like what I say -- that's fine. I don't want to hear shit about it. Got that? Don't make me cut one of your toes off.

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,

My name is jon and I love to prank call random people because it's just so fun to do. Now i recently found in a newspaper the phonenumbers of strippers and i have a two part question regarding this. Should I prank call them or
should I stop doing prank calls. If you say I should continue or just to humor people since your a funny and witty guy what would you say if prank calling a stripper.

Sincerely,

-- Jon

Jon --

Do whatever you want, but don't ask me to validate your embarrassingly poor decision making skills.

If you feel the need to harass a bunch of women that's your problem. Hopefully they'll gang up on you and slam your head into a stripper pole.

Have fun, dullard.

-- Peeves

Dear Peeves,
I recently stumbled across your letter on the armed services (Support our troops -- help them die.) in the archives, and I'm rather miffed.

In the words of George S. Patton, "Nobody ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." One does not join the armed services because one wants to die--one joins because one wants the guy on the other side to die. Yeesh.

Wishing you dingleberries,

-- Maggie P.

Maggie P. --

Want your friends and neighbors to lose their limbs? Encourage them to join the army.

The only people who "win" a war are politicians. Everybody else loses. I'm sorry you're too goddamn stupid to realize this.

-- Peeves

P.S. On second thought, I'm not sorry; fuck you, bitch.

Dear Peeves,

I love you site.............. will you be my friend

-- Chris

Chris --

No.

-- Peeves

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One more idiot.