There should be more people like young Tom here. He reminds me of myself when I was his age.

Dear Mister O Wrinkly,

i like america very much. how can I help save america?

- Tom, age 7

Thanks for your inspiring letter, Tom. And God bless you. I'm glad to see there are still upstanding young men out there, young men who have NOT been brainwashed by radical creeps on the secular left like Bill Clinton or Joe Lieberman.

1. Stay.

   It might sound exciting to explore the world but I've never left this country, and look at me!

   If you leave America, you could easily be abducted into al Qaeda or worse yet, you might accidentally wind up in dirty commie pigsty -- like France.

2. Buy American.

   Look for that "Made in the USA" sticker on everything you buy.

   Sure, you'll hear far-left nutjob psychos like Jon Stewart joking about the poor quality of American products. But if nobody buys our crappy products, we'll all be out of work!

3. Watch FOX News.

   Other news networks say all kinds of horrible things about the President and the Party. Thankfully FOX doesn't air this kind of blasphemy.

4. Pray in school.

   Even if your teacher tells you not to, we have to fight for our right to be Christian. We can't allow the "progressives" to take Jesus out of our schools.

   Next thing you know they'll be burning down our churches and telling us we all came from monkeys (in truth, I suspect some of the leftists really DID come from monkeys.)

5. Buy a gun.

   The seventh amendment to our constitution grants us the right to own guns. So buy one.

   And use it to shoot homosexuals, commies, and all the other enemies of Satan and this great nation.

There you have it kid, now let's fix this place up. That's five whole ways to save America!

Any more questions?