Rubric K Venison, Esquire here and I will be providing a grande service to all of you. I will be translating colloquial utterances into prevalent vernacular phrasing which my good peers will be readily able-minded in comprehending.

For my first installment, I will present you with clarified reworkings of what are commonly known as “yo mama jokes.” Let us initiate this programme.

• “If ugly was a brick yo mama'd be a housing project.”
  Your mother's appearance is most inopportunely reminiscent of 19th century French architecture.

• “Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.”
  Your mother is boorish enough as to be capable of transmitting the French disease to the Gauls themselves!

• “Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.”
  Your mother is such the antediluvian as to have been present at Alfred the Great's court when he was but King of Wessex.

• “Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared.”
  Your mother is looking rather emaciated.

• “Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said 'Moving.'”
  Your mother's destitution is such that she underwent the Great Depression entirely unwittingly!

• “Yo mama hair so short she curls it with rice.”
  Your mother was wrongly identified as Mussolini.

I rather hope this composition has brought you, dear colleague, up to pace such that you may verbally defend yourself against any plebeian. Until I write you next, hearty departures.

Yours,
Rubric K. Venison